Craving Connection

She thought about what was missing in her life.  It was different depending on the time of day she contemplated the question.  At night it always had undertones of sex and had to do with missing a connection with another human being.  If she thought about it first thing in the morning, then it usually had to do with needing more discipline in her life.  It had to do with a balancing act more so than a craving.  In the evening it was more of a primal craving that she really had little to no control over.

Her daytime self was into health, fitness and being on top of her own personal game.  She was conscious of how she showed up and how she moved thru her day and even how she balanced that with others or didn’t, which was more like it.  She didn’t want to connect with others during the daytime hours.

But then her nighttime self was all about connection with another, or more so, the lack of it.  There was a percolating and amplification of the darkest aspects of herself that occurred at night.  She started sipping teas that were laced with valerian, purple passion flowers, and tiny white chamomile flowers.   She craved connection.  She longed for someone to open up to her in a way that most people didn’t even know how to do.  She wanted someone who could be unconditional in their loving of her and their expression of themselves without filtering or self-monitoring.   Tapping into the deepest desires, accessing them and letting them run free with her. Dancing like two wild animals that romp in the wilderness without a care in the world.  Not monitoring or smothering the authentic voice.  Being honest and being vulnerable.

She wanted this more than she wanted to breathe.  She could make it thru the daytime hours, focused on balancing her time with writing, stretching, yoga, meditation and all sorts of inner and outer fitness.  She made it a full-time job just keeping on top of her energy levels.  But it was dangerous when the sun began to set. That was when she needed to amp up the self-monitoring and put her Higher Self on red alert.  She had to put the dampers on her desires and her cravings. Since she didn’t have what she wanted, she had to start the numbing down with the sleeping herbs.  She thought about finding something stronger that would narrow the Grand Canyon of a gap.  She contemplated what might fill the cracks in her longing.  She knew that really the only thing that would fulfill it was that divine connection.  She knew what was missing.  Sometimes she could self-medicate with raw chocolate, watching Netflix or even reading a really good book.

But somedays, like tonight when the full worm moon was upon us, it was hard to find that balance point, it was hard to smooth out the craving and put her mind at ease.  If the weather was better, she would hit the trails and walk under the moon and soaked up some of those lunar rays and see if it could dampen that constant craving. But she thought it might have the opposite effect.  Getting more in tune with the natural world around her could add to the intensity of her desires.

She needed to let her animal side run free.  She might find a way to do just that.  She is an Aardwolf. If you are unfamiliar with them, they are a type of Hyena.  Aardwolf means Earth Wolf.  She lives on termites, somewhere around 300,000 a night.  She is more cat than a dog.  She finds comfort in an abandoned burrow of a springhare or aardvark.  She is shy and forages alone.  She finds comfort in her 4 square kilometers of savannah and open grasslands.  She has 2 and a half months to get back to feeling herself.  The mating season begins in June.  She needs to be in her prime for that time of year.  She knows she will find that mate with who she can let her wild side out.  The silver moonlight will shine down on her as she raises her hackles and runs freely thru the night. He will recognize her spirit and they will romp, finding pleasure in being exactly what and who they are, wild, free animals.  They will wake up in their human form after a night of being Aardwolves and finding the common ground that connects them, soul to soul.  When meeting on the grounds of the Earth Wolf, they will remain open, vulnerable and forever honest to their core.  Next time you seek a partner, meet them in their animal spirit self in order to see their true nature.  There is no hiding when you aren’t in your human earth suit.  Humans love to hide behind the facades of their many layers of clothes like they hide from themselves and each other.  They long to connect and yet they run fast and furious from doing just that.