Slowly the wheel turns, and our hulls are cracked and ground. Our minds are set free to explore into canyons and crevasses that were out of sight up until now. Exposed, we drift in and out of consciousness like the clouds that move ever so slowly, becoming unrecognizable to the naked eye. We begin to see our surroundings in a new light. There is a glow to everything, as if it were lit from within. 

The long-horned cow with the heart on her head, meanders around the corner of the barn and blends in with the tall dry brush and the chestnut trees. Perhaps she has teleported to a distant realm. Perhaps she has gone within so deep that her motion has made a tear in the space time continuum. She slips through and poof, she’s gone!

I crave the stamina to withstand the cold temperatures that mother nature is throwing our way. I long to run with the calves as they frolic across the horizon in search of their mothers that went before them. But can they learn her secrets? Can they move at just the right pace to shake reality?  

I take a deep breath and sigh. I close my eyes and follow my thoughts within. I become more self-aware when I stop seeing through my eyes. My sense of hearing guides me to realms I didn’t know existed. I slip into that motionless void.  From out of the blue, I hear a single cow bellowing. I can’t separate it from my own breath. I wonder if it is in fact the time traveling cow or if it is just my own inner workings, like gears within a big old clock. 

And I hear, “Walk this way”. And I know what that means. Innately I feel the tempo, the speed, and the cadence at which to move. And POOF! I’m back in my body, in my kitchen, in my breakfast nook staring out across the field. 

My awareness cracked and ground into a fine powder. My body is open to shifting into new realms and new patterns begin to emerge to my naked eye. 

It really isn’t her goal to be sane. When asked what she did to stay sane during this crazy year of the covid 19 pandemic she replies that she just did what she normally would do. She is a loner. She relishes in the peace and quiet of nature, of the sun as it peeks over the eastern horizon, of the tranquil breath she takes when she sits in silence, in her own little world. She did do quite a bit of seeking companionship, but the kind that is nestled in an inner state of calm, the kind you get when you melt into the still pond when you don’t even dog paddle. She is a floater. She never sinks. She doesn’t know why. Perhaps her father was a sperm whale. She questions who he was and where he came from. Wonders what color his eyes were and what he did in his most centered moments. Did he sing in the shower? Did he laugh at himself and take the world in stride?

She doesn’t do relationships like anyone else. She doesn’t seek security; she doesn’t want someone to take away her pain. She wants an equal. She wants a man who has as much passion in his blood as she does. She wants a man who is driven to do good, who knows compassion and has a high willingness to be open and vulnerable. She wants someone to walk down the path, to run side by side and to arrive at the end of the day at exact location that they both choose together.  She wants an adventurer, a thrill seeker, a carabiner. He is strong, he is fit, and he is active. He knows when to hold tight and likewise knows when to let go. He is a rock climber and shows her the ropes. He is her anchor, and she is his. They keep each other in tow, if that can even be thought necessary. 

She doesn’t need a man. She wants a man, but he has to be extraordinary. He has to shine like a bright star in the night sky. He had to let go and go with the route the river takes him. He is on a fast-moving ride that others have thought about taking but weren’t brave enough to take. Or she might have booted them out after finding that they didn’t have it in them to dream. They have to dream big. She can’t tolerate small time thinking. She believes that anything in possible and probable if you set your mind to it. And if there are two with the same degree of will in it, they will most definitely win it. 

She knows her mind. It is like a strainer with a very fine silver mesh. She holds onto very little. She likes freedom in all its forms. Freedom to love is on the top of the list. This doesn’t mean she is loose or uncaring. It means that she doesn’t want to have to put blinders on her love. She wants to be able to freely give her love to whom so ever she feels to. She knows that this will take a like-minded partner. It isn’t about diminishing their love; it is about deepening it through expressing all the multiple faucets of love. Binding, confining or blinding isn’t something she sees as loving. Honestly creates a stronger bond, a deeper love, a longer lasting, perhaps even infinite love. 

She is a class VI rapids, perhaps extraordinary in her own way. She knows that it will take the type of man to flow with her as she has previously described, fit, strong and active. It is his passion for living live full out that makes him perfect for the challenge of her ways. She isn’t difficult, in fact others have described her as very easy to get along with and adaptable to any situation. She can go with the flow, and she can fight like a tiger for that which she feels strongly about. 

If uncanny makes you uncomfortable then run, run far away. You don’t want to be around this one if you can’t stand close by a raging campfire. You must be good at starting one, from gathering sticks, to stoking it just at the right moment. She is likened to a fire. She needs constant tending to in order to not let her fire go out. She has a great passion for loving in both thoughts, words as well as and most importantly, in actions. She expects her equal to be just that, an equally passionate person. He has to be able to let his guard down and allow his craving for her to come forth. He has to love being ravished as well as ravishing. He must be able to stand up to her honesty, to drop the world at the door and connect with her deeply. Let the streams merge and let the ride begin. Boats not necessary. We are the boats adrift on a sea of desire for each other, that is what she says to him, naked and alive with a burning fire. 

I’m not sure it’s even possible to imagine a world without conflict, but I do. I have a positive outlook of everything, at least before others try to convince me otherwise. I don’t like to defend my position to naysayers. I’d rather just let others have their opinions and keep my own opinion to myself.  I live outside the box. At least I see it that way. I see the possibility of peace on this planet and an equality of all beings, be human or animal. I even have a simple solution of how to head in that direction and I mean a fast way to eliminate war and that sort of unruly disharmony. I am taking the stance that in general, all war is man-made. And by that, I mean that is it men that are the ones warring. You may think me naive. Here is my solution. All woman agree to cease and desist having sex with any men that are fighting. Men would choose sex over war in a heartbeat. There is no way that enough men could be gathered together to go to war and to fight a war if they weren’t getting laid. Enough said.

I’m not sure it’s even possible to imagine a world without sex. I know I can’t. I won’t and I never will. Sex, and even more so the connecting of two or more people in a sensual and seductive way is crucial to living a fulfilling life. Unless you have reason to choose a monastic lifestyle, you probably are going to want to sexually connect to other human beings. It seems to be a driving force in both humans and animals. It isn’t all about procreation. Even on a deeper level it is about connection and unity and expansion of the small self into the universal self. If that went over your head, let me explain myself. For me, sex, and I use the term specifically as an intimate physical connection where 2 humans connect on all levels, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. If lovemaking is done is a specific manner, the outcome is a god-like or out of body experience where the two bodies merge into one. There is no way that with this sort of sex, men or women would choose anything but that. Enough said.

I’m not sure it’s even possible to imagine sex without full body, multi-orgasmic, and out of body god-like connection between the two parties involved. For me life is flat, is in fact lifeless without this sort of connection with another. I actually think the number of people who have ever experienced this type of connection is unfortunately less than 1% of the population. I am blessed to be a part of this 1%. I know when people talk of the 1%, they mean the very wealthy. My version of the 1% is, in my mind, is the group to aspire to and to live within. I will forever share my understanding of this connection and show people the way to live it and to grow into it. There is no greater life’s purpose than for me to share this and live it as an example for others to see. Enough said. 

I’m not sure it’s even possible to find that ‘other’ being who is on the same wavelength as I am. I seek it, I desire it, I crave it and I will never give up until I find it. This brings me full circle to imagining a peaceful planet where everyone is living love every day. It has been my motto for over 20 years. I don’t know the exact time and place this started resonating with me.  It began early in my life. I started meditating at 9, was living on my own at age 12, surrounded by other spiritual young people at a University of meditators, in college at 14, sexually active and free spirited at 13, and really a lover or life and of seeing the best in anyone and everyone. I used to tell friends, when they asked dating advice, find one thing you love in another and focus on that. Shift the focus away from anything you don’t like. Most people look at all the things they don’t like, and they amplify those things by focusing on them. As long as it isn’t immoral and illegal, then ignore it. I actually have an outrageous opinion about what is immoral and illegal as well, but I won’t go into that now. Enough said.

I’m not sure it’s even possible, but possible is what I choose to live into. I hold in my conscious awareness that love is possible, that living a lifestyle in total freedom and in love is possible. That finding a partner to journey with in this sort of love is possible. It might be even more than possible; it might be probable. 

He bent her like she was a pretzel. She was like soft dough in his needy hands. She might start rising before the time is right with the heat that was generated between the two of them. She loved the way he touched her. It was as if he knew how his every stroke felt on her body. Perhaps he was a physical empath. This would explain his uncanny ability to touch her in the way she craved. She was like putty in his talented hands. She had longed for a man to understand her desires without even asking. She had been waiting lifetimes to find this sort of love. It was otherworldly. It went beyond what could be read about in books or learned from them. It was celestial in its ability to send her mind and body reeling into the outer dimensions of space and time. 

He carved her like she was a fine piece of quaking aspen. He knew her strengths and weaknesses. He knew how to twist and turn her to get the most out of her strong and slender body. He has a way with her that no one has ever uncovered, like he understood her inner animal as well as her outer form as a human. He knew her deep connection to the woods and every other living creature in it. He knew how she was nourished by the sun on her naked body. She felt his glance as it were equal to the that of the sun, making her bend to meet his presence, like a tender young plant. He was able to create a trembling and quaking in her limbs, like she was indeed the tree itself. Her body bent to his every whim.

He rocked her like a cradle with a slumbering babe within. She felt the calming of his presence, it helped her to sleep, something she struggled with. She settled down when they embraced, her back and buttock against his chest and torso, like two perfectly fitting spoons, side by side, cupping each other. She melted like butter on his hot body. Sometimes they found themselves in a puddle of her pleasure. She oozed with a deep passion for him. She preferred morning sex, for her senses were enlivened by it, not put to sleep, but she wouldn’t shy away from it anytime he made advances. She savored every encounter as if it might me the last. 

He polished her like she was a Paraiba Tourmaline, rarest of them all, she was in high demand and low in supply. She was unique, perhaps even one of a kind. She didn’t try to be like this. In fact, most men wanted a woman that was different from her. They wanted a girly-girl, a curvy girl, a makeup wearing, high heel walking and perfume smelling girl. Not only was she not these, but she was opposed to all of these. She was outdoorsy, spontaneous, strong, centered and had a strong work ethic. She would rather chop wood, carry water than sit pretty for a man. She liked a man who could keep up with her and was stronger than she was. She had more sexual drive than anyone she had ever encountered, man or woman. Her experience was that most men loved sex but didn’t know how to connect on a deep soul level. Most women wanted the deep connection but didn’t really love the physical aspects of sex. She liked it all. She was both physical, mental and emotional when it came to loving. She couldn’t compartmentalize it into just one area.

He spread her like she was a seed in the spring fields which he tilled and made ready for planting. He let her drift from his hand and float on the breeze. He didn’t try to control her. He allowed her room to be free and to blossom. He knew that with tender loving care, proper tending to her needs and the right conditions that she would be fertile and grow strong and healthy, giving him abundant fruits for his labor. She flourished with his attention to her ever detail. His touch, his kind words and even his presence brought her great joy. Researchers have studied the effects of consciousness on growing plants. She was no exception to this rule. There was an uncommon bond she and he had. She seemed to have the same effect on him. Theirs was a mutually beneficial relationship. Perhaps even an otherworldly one. They had definitely been in past lives together, even if you don’t believe in such things. They had even been together when they weren’t in human form. They had been together, bonded for their lives as Gibbons, Coyotes, Crows and even as Beaver. You may find this hard to believe, since most humans don’t mate for life, and are rather fickle in their ability to stay true to their word and their heart. These two have seen eons of change and have weathered it all. Nothing can come between them, not another lover, a hard time, financial ruin or the stress of a worldwide pandemic. In fact, when times get tough, they become even closer and show more sides to their infinite love for each other. Their love shines like a beacon of light in this time of darkness. 

Thomas Owen Every was born Sept 20^th in 1938 in Madison Wisconsin.

He was kind of a kid bootlegger.  He liked to tinker with cars. He could fix about anything he set his mind to. He lived in a world of his wild imagination and he could draw you in with his whimsy. He drove a souped up Ford Coupe. He made a good living salvaging anything and everything that others did not want. He was a junk picker. Your trash was most definitely his treasure. His imagination was extensive. He saw everything on a grand scale. There was nothing he couldn’t tackle. When he started a project, he just started it, and felt his way through it. It was as if he was the creative force that the Universe has misplaced, and time had forgotten. He didn’t plan it all out in advance. He just dove in head, torso and feet first. The plunge was deep, and he didn’t emerge until it was complete. 

He didn’t walk through life on a straight line. He wandered through the back alleys and dumpsters. He was a dumpster pirate. He found treasures everywhere he looked.  He could turn a piece of rubbish into a sculpture that would turn heads and hearts. People oooo’d and ahhhh’d over his work. For a normal human it would have been torture, to him, it was his pleasure and his obsession.  He started his days around 10 AM and worked until the wee hours of the morning.  He would often be found leaning against a piece in process, his arms stretched about it, his body collapsed in exhaustion as if he had melted from the heat of the blow torch.  

He had a vision. He had a myth in his mind that manifested in every piece of his art. He thought he could create lightening on earth and ride it up to a God in the Heavens. He didn’t live in the realm of reason and logic, but rather in one of fantasy and humor. There was no timeline he followed, there was no deadline, no rules and certainly no regulations. He was an artistic gangster, a natural forager, a gentleman farmer, an absent-minded lover of fantastical worlds that he created right here on earth.

He was a natural born wheeler and a dealer.  He could ping-pong back and forth with the best of them.  He almost always got what he wanted at the price he was willing to pay.  He knew to start low and he would slowly give, inch by inch until the other party felt they were getting a good deal, and he was always well within the range he was originally willing to pay.  It was an art more than it was a science. He was also a natural collaborator. He would relish in taking other, less skilled artists, sculptures and welders under his tutelage.  Anyone who had the good fortune of working with him would be transformed forever. Their eyes would be opened to a whole different perspective on life, and they would never see the world the same again. 

As a small boy he pulled his red radio flyer wagon around town scavenging for anything that caught his fancy.  He would bolt out the front door, the slap of the screen door behind him was all that you heard, not a word of when he might be back home. From a young age he lived an extraordinary and uncommon life. His coat of arms was SUUM CUIQUE, to each his own, do your own thing.  He was motivated by his passion and also by the challenges that he faced. He made his escape into his own mythical world of his creativity.  It served him well and it enriched the lives of everyone he came in contact with.

I am a blank slate.  Blank and yet filled with desire, like a boat afloat on the dandelion weed white carpet of living, moving seeds in motion. Rocking like an ocean, an ocean in perpetual motion, as the tide of my desire flows in and out. Rue Anemone, Bloodroot, Dutchman’s Breeches, Virginia Bluebells, walk hand in hand with each other down this road I wander. The Easter Tiger Swallowtails dance from Silver Maple to Silver maple. I follow in their paths and stumble, step by step, step by step like a drunken sailor, further down the rabbit hole. Sailing into the deep blue sea, dragons and fireflies drift into the sunset like lost boys running from their own truth.

And today I dive too deep to ever come back to where I once was. I was here all alone. You appeared in my world. Texted me from out of the blue and then called me, and we were both falling off into the deep end of a bottomless pool. Piercing black like an astronaut adrift in the darkness of space, no tether, no way back to the safety net of his ship. Perhaps an ocean of desire, a sea of love awakening in each of us, together and yet separate. My soul was a cast away, waterlogged and drowning in more craving than was healthy for one person on two legs with one beating heart. I was tossed about by the wind like a dingy on the open sea. Hurricane gale winds out of check.  Love is a boat you row. And I feel you pulling me onboard your sturdy ship, your strong arms pull me toward you. You hold me tight and say you will never let me go. Just look beside you, I am there. I am that wet mermaid like nymph, smiling with a sideways smirk that knows the meaning of your touch. I’ll go anywhere with you. When the winds blow, together we see blue skies rather than storm clouds.  Freedom is this fork in the road the day we both chose to fall in love. This was a very conscious decision.  One we were both ready to make and make it we did.  I sink without a sound. Perhaps only a deep and barely audible moaning. I fall madly, deeply into you.

Sinking into love like a body does in quicksand.  There is no escaping it, yet no desire to. This is no ordinary love, no hurry up and wait love, no time like the present love. This is sustainable, organic, wholesome love, the kind you find at the farmers market, at the bearded herb man’s stand.  This isn’t fading love, this is bright shining full sun, hell or high-water love.

Love comes knocking at your door when you least expect it.  It’s a fork in the road that you know is the right one, no doubt about it. You fall fast, you fall together, you fall instantly in love with a mystery man from Tinder. He feels familiar, he feels like another aspect of you that splintered off at your birth. He shares your same thoughts and he is mostly like you. There are no surprises. Nothing shocking, just pleasant discoveries to make. There are no fears, there is no noise to obscure the peace you feel.  All I needed was a whisper from you my dear and I could hear you loud and clear.  I think we had both been searching for this love that we had somehow misplaced, like a tune you think you could never forget or live without until it is gone.

I feel like a seed that is sprouting today. Green leaves reaching for the sky and the evening stars.  Chicory, Kyoto No.3 Chinese Cabbage, Fuubi Choy Sum, Sparti Lettuce, Romaine, Sorrento Broccoli Raab and Arugula galore. They dance across the hay bale garden like fairies in the evening, glowing from within. Their paper wings brushing my face and wake me from my dream of you. This is no ordinary love. It doesn’t take years to amass enough trust to know its right. The knowing is already there. A kinetic energy that moves mountains with great speed and ease. We are kindred free spirits who know what we want and are finally ready to call it in.  Universe, oh Universe, hear my plea, bring this courageous man to me. Anyone who is ready to accept me for who I am and me him, bring it on! We are already walking down this road together, we stop at the lakes edge and skip stones in the water, the ripples make us laugh.  Thinking like one person, accountable for both, no secrets to hide. Playing like Peter Pan and Hook. Admiring each other’s strengths and ready to joust, but not to the death, rather to the love of our lives together. Now is the time. We seize all the moments we lost from birth until Cinco De Mayo 2020. Time to make hay! We are not here to celebrate the Mexican Army’s victory over the French Empire at the Battle of Puebla, or the drinking of Mexican beer, we are here to celebrate lost love found, two heart unfolding into one.

 

She was looking back on her recent track record with guys that she met on dating sites. She was striking out. She thought that she was falling in love with the last three.  She should know better at her age.  Or perhaps she just can’t control what her heart does.  That’s actually more the case.  It falls hard and fast.  It just hasn’t met another that can do the same.  The real question for someone is this…Can you be open and vulnerable without putting up all kinds of restrictions and rules about how love should look? Can you be open to exploring where the heart just naturally wants to go? Can you be spontaneous? Can you be truthful? Can you express yourself when you feel that yearning, that longing, that opening up?  Can you ask for what you want?

 

Perhaps this time, when half the world is afraid to step outside their door and the other half thinks it is all a false alarm, there is a blessing that will come out of it all.  Perhaps this will either slow me down in my crazy, fast paced loving, and make me get to know someone inside and out before physically ever meeting. It is too easy for me to jump into the physical instantly.  Fall for someone that I’m physically attracted to.  Perhaps falling for their personality and learning more the ins and outs of their nature is a good thing to preface the actual physical connection.

 

I know I am an unusual woman.  I like sex more than the average female.  I want it every day.  I want romance, I want teasing, I want to slip into that sexual play at the drop of a hat.  I want someone who can’t stop thinking of how they are going to seduce me next.  I want to find someone that is equally as sexual, and playful as myself.  I want to touch and be touched everywhere and all the time. I also need my down time, my alone time, my quite introspective, meditative time.  I recharge when I write, when I walk in nature. I want to be with someone who treats their body like a temple.  They care what they put into it, food, drinks, exercise and love.  It all needs to be a conscious choice, one that is leaving them better off after than before.

 

Perhaps this is a time of turtle love.  Slow and steady wins the race.  Nobody ever said it was a race.  Love is fast.  Love is furious and I guess it can work in slow mysterious ways as well.

Getting lost in your loving eyes. Not afraid to say anything to you from the start. Knowing that somehow you are in it for the long haul. Knowing that we will make light work out of anything we put our minds to. Adventure and creativity spark our imaginations as we traverse this planet side by side. Longing to explore the far side of the moon and the other side of the world as well as our backyard together. Hand in hand we will unearth worms and make fishing effortless. We will dance in the moonlight, frolicking in the meadow down by the seaside.

I feel the next chapter in my life just beginning to unfold. I see you on the pages, turning them as fast as I can write the words. You inspire my dreams to go even deeper and my fantasies to widen their breadth. There is no room for ordinary in our space time continuum. There is freedom to breathe a new life into desire, into dreams that have long been just out of our reach while alone. I have never felt so alone as the last few weeks prior to meeting you. It is as if nothing and no one else could come as close to blending and melding into me, the Universe was creating a vacuum. I needed the void, the low, the longing, the yearning to attract you to me. Or was it you that called me in?

We both have vivid imaginations and feel drawn to explore the unknown. We both are rugged souls, like raw unpolished gems hidden deep within the soft exteriors we hide beneath. I want to stop time and bask in your energy like the sun warming the ground and gently coaxing the spring flowers out of hiding. Daffodils and crocus emerging overnight, shades of buttercup yellow, blue violet and daisy white, our plans will fall into place naturally.

Can you hold me and listen to the sound of my beating heart? Can you hear the longing that is calmed and comforted by your presence? Can you feel the bubbling of joy that seeps out of my heart and shakes my very existence into not caring what anyone thinks of me, stopping the world to melt into you?

Hang on the Word….Fuck the word, wait a minute, what word are we talking about here?

Is it Love?  Is it Life?  Is is Kindness? Is it logical?  Is it being in our highest integrity?  Well now…to me being Kind, Being Logical, with the heart as the polestar, keeps us in our highest integrity.  Today I saw a great example of action taken out of all of these.

In the movement of the stars and the planets around our little world we see our lives imploding and exploding.  Or is it that we are revolving around them?  I have no clue.  There is a science to it all.  But can we trust this science to be in alignment with our individual paths?

We are all swimmers, diving in and out of reality and traversing through our own individual paths that intersect and merge and sometimes flow side by side with another for a time, long or short.  Wave by wave we travel onwards and upwards.  Sometimes it feels as we are sinking to the bottom of the river, being pulled under by the currents.

Throwing stones through the shallows…we create ripples that might even sink our little boat.  We could easily be responsible for our own demise.  I suppose, we always are.  Our choices every moment, every twist and turn in the road of our life, every reaction and interaction we choose creates our state of health and wellbeing.  Most people don’t want to take responsibility for their state of mind, body or emotions.  I truly believe that we make a choice, whether it be conscious or unconscious with every breath we take, every step we take, every move we make.

 

 

What do I hunger for most in my life? Connection.

Connection to anything and everything outside of myself.

But in reality, the connection is all internal.

It starts in my core, with the small light that glows there, like a firefly alone on the prairie.

As the night sky darkens, I am joined by another and another, until the landscape is speckled with sparklers of other souls, also craving connection.

We are all fireflies in the dark.

 

We glow warm and inviting from within,

we send out our spark and wait for the reply.

Each blink sends a shiver to my core.

My light glows brighter and more radiant with each reply.

Like fireworks in the Heart, feeding the hunger of our Desire.

Our edge has expanded and encompasses all we can see.

The truth of our hunger lies in our stomach, in our nakedness.

 

 

In the darkness I am no longer a stranger.

I reach out, I touch softly, I alight down.

Branches intertwine around my ankles.

Tripping, I drop down, landing gently on the mother earth, like a bed beneath me.

Blue Bird wings brush my eyelids and lips.

Sun drenched rocks radiate in through my paper-thin skin

and their warmth settles deep into my bones.

 

I fall asleep and dream that I am a deer.  A Winter Stag.

I live in the same meadow as the talking stones.

The standing ones that came before and were frozen in time

By their misfortune and by mythos.

It was the belief of the common people of the times

That sucked all the magic right out of the wise ones.

Now all that remains of them are The Callanish Stones.