I am a blank slate. Blank and yet filled with desire, like a boat afloat on the dandelion weed white carpet of living, moving seeds in motion. Rocking like an ocean, an ocean in perpetual motion, as the tide of my desire flows in and out. Rue Anemone, Bloodroot, Dutchman’s Breeches, Virginia Bluebells, walk hand in hand with each other down this road I wander. The Easter Tiger Swallowtails dance from Silver Maple to Silver maple. I follow in their paths and stumble, step by step, step by step like a drunken sailor, further down the rabbit hole. Sailing into the deep blue sea, dragons and fireflies drift into the sunset like lost boys running from their own truth.
And today I dive too deep to ever come back to where I once was. I was here all alone. You appeared in my world. Texted me from out of the blue and then called me, and we were both falling off into the deep end of a bottomless pool. Piercing black like an astronaut adrift in the darkness of space, no tether, no way back to the safety net of his ship. Perhaps an ocean of desire, a sea of love awakening in each of us, together and yet separate. My soul was a cast away, waterlogged and drowning in more craving than was healthy for one person on two legs with one beating heart. I was tossed about by the wind like a dingy on the open sea. Hurricane gale winds out of check. Love is a boat you row. And I feel you pulling me onboard your sturdy ship, your strong arms pull me toward you. You hold me tight and say you will never let me go. Just look beside you, I am there. I am that wet mermaid like nymph, smiling with a sideways smirk that knows the meaning of your touch. I’ll go anywhere with you. When the winds blow, together we see blue skies rather than storm clouds. Freedom is this fork in the road the day we both chose to fall in love. This was a very conscious decision. One we were both ready to make and make it we did. I sink without a sound. Perhaps only a deep and barely audible moaning. I fall madly, deeply into you.
Sinking into love like a body does in quicksand. There is no escaping it, yet no desire to. This is no ordinary love, no hurry up and wait love, no time like the present love. This is sustainable, organic, wholesome love, the kind you find at the farmers market, at the bearded herb man’s stand. This isn’t fading love, this is bright shining full sun, hell or high-water love.
Love comes knocking at your door when you least expect it. It’s a fork in the road that you know is the right one, no doubt about it. You fall fast, you fall together, you fall instantly in love with a mystery man from Tinder. He feels familiar, he feels like another aspect of you that splintered off at your birth. He shares your same thoughts and he is mostly like you. There are no surprises. Nothing shocking, just pleasant discoveries to make. There are no fears, there is no noise to obscure the peace you feel. All I needed was a whisper from you my dear and I could hear you loud and clear. I think we had both been searching for this love that we had somehow misplaced, like a tune you think you could never forget or live without until it is gone.
I feel like a seed that is sprouting today. Green leaves reaching for the sky and the evening stars. Chicory, Kyoto No.3 Chinese Cabbage, Fuubi Choy Sum, Sparti Lettuce, Romaine, Sorrento Broccoli Raab and Arugula galore. They dance across the hay bale garden like fairies in the evening, glowing from within. Their paper wings brushing my face and wake me from my dream of you. This is no ordinary love. It doesn’t take years to amass enough trust to know its right. The knowing is already there. A kinetic energy that moves mountains with great speed and ease. We are kindred free spirits who know what we want and are finally ready to call it in. Universe, oh Universe, hear my plea, bring this courageous man to me. Anyone who is ready to accept me for who I am and me him, bring it on! We are already walking down this road together, we stop at the lakes edge and skip stones in the water, the ripples make us laugh. Thinking like one person, accountable for both, no secrets to hide. Playing like Peter Pan and Hook. Admiring each other’s strengths and ready to joust, but not to the death, rather to the love of our lives together. Now is the time. We seize all the moments we lost from birth until Cinco De Mayo 2020. Time to make hay! We are not here to celebrate the Mexican Army’s victory over the French Empire at the Battle of Puebla, or the drinking of Mexican beer, we are here to celebrate lost love found, two heart unfolding into one.
The Lama Writings 